What is a functioning dysfunctional family ?
well. its one that is not close to one another, one that doesn’t quite hang out together, doesn’t have family trips together, and doesn’t quite enjoy the company of one another. But is still sticking together.
prime example. My family.
Dad’s in Vietnam, Mum’s obsessed with Christ. Brother that has moved out, but is still across the road.
myself. hmm. While i do love my parents, its in a kinda abstract way. Its like i have been raised to respect and care for my parents. but to truly say that i LOVE them. is not quite true. i appreciate them, and what they have done for me and my bro, but is that love ? somehow doesn’t quite seem like it, eh ?
i’ve always treasured my independence, but to the point of always doing things myself. not quite trusting other. why ? maybe I’ve been disappointed by those around me time and again to the point where i only trust myself.
Is that fair to people around me? i can only say this. “nope” but i’m trying my best to be fair to me.
i think about the kind of relationship i had when i was in pri sch with my parents and then i look at what we have now. its just kinda messed up. what went wrong ?
maybe we just do not know how to express our love for one another. the infamous asian parent – child paradigm. parents as the provider, the kid as the receiver, up till the point where they do not need the parent’s support and then they try to seek independence. where love for one another is an abstract not quite a fact.
I do not really like my relatives, except for maybe a few aunts, one of whom is now in the states, and one of whom is facing health problems. In theory, if i was to have a wedding, almost none of my relatives will be invited.
Maybe its just that as we grow up, we start to see the cracks / holes in the relationships. and as we grow up even more, we see these cracks becoming huge gulfs. kinda like how a stream becomes a river over the year. parents used to hide these with some semblance of normalcy, but as we get older, the farce becomes more obvious to us.
My mum’s obsession with Christ. Yeah, we all loved God. up to the point where my mum had to have an abortion when i was in NS. they said she was too old to have a safe birth. ever since then she’s been throwing herself into Church activities, and basically giving away almost everything to the church.
her fanaticism for Christ has managed to drive a wedge between her and the rest of the family. we can appreciate the reasons for the fanaticism, but at times. we truly wonder if its going overboard.
myself ? i have a wavering relationship with christ. its like a car driven by a drunkard. its not always going along the straightest road. I dunno. that is a different topic for a different day.
but then at times i wonder. did i create the gulf between my parents and myself ? through some of the stupid things i did. in fact MANY of these stupid things. I didn’t know how to appreciate these back then. I only learnt all these later on in life. i got in trouble and they bailed me out so many times its insane.
i didn’t let my parents into my life once i hit the age of 14 / 15. i craved independence. and now that i have it. i do regret it somewhat.
a few songs that have always affected me since i first heard them back in JC.
the living years by mike and the mechanics and cats in the cradle by Ugly Kid Joe.
2 of the most powerful songs about growing up and the distance that develops and the regrets that will come.
The living Years
Cats in the cradle
on that sombre note. i will end this post, and maybe will pick it up again. someday.
